Get all 5 Stephen Mead releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Choral Soliloquies (II), Choral Soliloquies (I), Threnody for a Forgotten Plague, Whispers of Arias (I), and Whispers of Arias (II).
1. |
Harbor
03:44
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Harbor
So many lights out there upon pleats,
The white tipped black lapping smooth-----
This is our apartment now, how it feels,
Such a strange space recalling all
The packed boxes, the last objects…
What’s left is open as a harbor is open:
Echoes honoring the falling waves…
I know how terrible need is, this distance
Gaping with the intimacy of discarded
Package string, tacks, tape…
I know it unforgettably,
The flow,
Our cove’s slogan…
But the way you were summoned, love,
Was just as articulate.
Nearby wait pirate ships.
Tell them for me
We are more than just cargo
For the whole silky bay.
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2. |
Patrice
07:21
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Patrice
(Thanks to Cocteau’s “The Eternal Return” based on Tristan & Isolde)
Beyond being golden, an Aryan
Innocence made rare…
Beyond woods, fields, the untellable
Pastoral to which you brought me
Over waves, the graves of parents…
I knew, like a sleepwalker I knew
The dream of our days
Would be shaken & torn…
First a drunkard’s tempest came:
The furious cognac flung to smash behind my head,
His knuckles on the skull, twisting hair,
Pressing down, the spilled liquor
Mopping my face ‘til you stepped in.
Patrice, even then I knew
To escape would prove fatal,
Though still I yearned, still I went along.
Next there was an elixir, a love potion, the good intentions
Of a friend twisted malevolently
By the dwarf, Achilles’, unknowing fingers….
What of it, our luck, since it wasn’t poison
Though that’s what the bottle
Prescribed?
It might as well have been, & us,
Victims still, fortunate for the spell
We would have felt anyway.
How on earth to escape this----
When you meant me for your Uncle,
When I signed that contract & its dangerous
Terrain-----
Two houses in one dwelling, a castle of cards
Where the Queens looked away, & then privately
Plotting, with menace, looked on?
So we ran away, we ran never planning,
We ran & I remember…
I remember your hands in the warmth of evening
Mist, the pond lapping, the frogs…& I remember
Your bird call, the signal I woke to, delirious
On the mountain where my husband Marc,
Your uncle, came after, came after…
Abandonment, betrayal-----
Who but I could do it…
Going. Going back as if hog-tied,
Broken, your whisper now the seas’
Breath imprinting my mouth?
For a month I felt it, hearing, bed-bound,
A nightingale’s song. Was it you?
I was moved to different windows
& the walls of the rooms sealed me up
like a shot glass.
Drunk, I drowned
& the business left only one
Reprieve: to go where, wounded,
You lay, the torment at last still,
& gladly, for I am glad,
Shipwrecked,
Lie down.
Natalie, your parents, like mine,
are here, & are finished.
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3. |
Tschikovsky's Nina
03:13
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Tchaikovsky’s Nina
I had many men, but not the man,
Until him.
What did it mean?
Music sweeping over, the great
Composed redemption, or so I hoped,
Sending a letter, afraid…
He replied, even wrote me an opera,
The muse’s brew stewing us, rare
Tender hearted onions
That answered prayers pickled.
Brother & sister. He said:
Be patient with me.
I lay beside him in our marriage bed
Still waiting beyond what could not
Be shook or understood.
At least then, that’s how it felt.
Later came Mother Menace, madness,
The furies, irreconcilable, splitting
The rift wider, & us cast adrift
On those throes of liquor, laudanum,
With me, ME!, now asylum housed
Like his cholera-pocked Mom
Still a symphonic plague.
In between all that, yes, he still
Had his good moments, inspiring
Contemplation: sparklers in the hands
Of children, a rising fireworks tympani
While I, picturing this, here, confined
To these bars after fighting for grub
With the Others, here I am almost
Equally sedate with this,
This knowledge:
We should have let everything be.
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4. |
Cassandra's Curse
02:51
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Cassandra’s Curse
See the future.
I do not fabricate.
Your disbelief tears up truth,
Casts deceptions from the wayside.
If you could realize a torso only immortal
In stone, re-piece the scattered limbs,
Find discernment in the head’s graven look,
Then you would be back on the right path
Instead of trading denial’s alibis...
Listen, remove the brackets,
The censorship from my speech, the omissions
You’ve camouflaged in identical uniforms...
Here all is toga plain, the scroll of a shell,
Its knowledge gently whispering
Warnings of impermanence, but also
Eternity’s winds...
A storm has come & you are in it,
You the sex of history & future deliverance.
Choose wisely...
But no, you are too narrow & in turn
Raise your own children to be
Mean & impoverished of heart.
Though enormous with greed, they shall be lean
with your shortcomings, & even as rulers
Shall topple just the same
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5. |
He's My Fear
03:56
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He’s My Fear
Fuhrer,
Husband, Lover Man
About the marrow,
These towns that my limbs make...
There’s such storehouses, homes
Such depots and parks for which
I am the reservoir, street-set, in
The field his face is my sky of
Down amid the ducts,
The gun or the cyanide,
Last bunker exits...
Ashes, ashes, it is all planned,
Is larger than the gassed
Or those flares of ack ack
When my heart was surely
Its own alarm.
Love is despair, sister,
And he, the mad champion,
The conqueror, pure and trapping
As math, with his rhetoric charms.
I fell as the whole nation did,
Greedy to succeed...
His accomplishments, his failure,
Both my terror, and how, half-glutton,
Half-deer, I took part in the woods,
Blood black, the bloody slaughtering woods.
Better to end with him
And a coward’s courage
Than face the world’s rubble of our dreams
About our necks. Better, my fear swore,
But I see he’s just a man here
And that the real god’s this capsule
I swallow, unafraid now,
Yours always, Eva
Braun, I write, sister
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6. |
Urgency
04:01
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Urgency
Seduced me,
The music reaching veins, dopamine,
Violins in a rhapsody for the violence
I later dreamed as sirens repeating the rhythm
Of remembrance, the instinct of reaching,
Crawling across the trunk halfway to where help
Stretched, another hand, its suited sleeve,
Security that man at an arm’s length…
How helpless too he was
I later realized between the shots & the skidding
Car, a pinball machine’s frenzy where my husband’s
Shattered grace bled on, a font of scarlet,
Streaming streaks to lean that way, this,
& crumple against me…
Amazing I was not grazed
Except inside, an explosion of lasers
Constantly entering my poise, my voice,
The eternal shaking for assassins & conspiracies
I detach from like a graft whose tissues, invisible,
Nevertheless ask: how, love, why?
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7. |
Danny
04:42
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Danny
Were prairies crossed, forests or
What’s left of either?
Amid reactors, did you seal-steal
Or coast-flit, an egret, with tar
Coated wings?
The minefields, the mines…
Danny, what caused these scars?
Hypocrisy confronted?
The intimidation of clubs?
These marks are now your uniform,
The valiant vulnerable skin
Still there, & we shall wash,
Let the emblems have health
Or the nearest possible thing.
More than surviving, war’s other
Meaning must be your grin, your
Arms, the valuables, each resource
An ozone layer with little burning pricks…
Map pins for oil, for the disputes,
Territorial, for the dumping, the vapors…
What fire has the flag of your cacki put out
Scorched to the chest?
The flames, their imprint, that shield now
Is peeling gauze. It’s a tattoo in reverse.
It’s an entrance which hands, the face
Coming close can only hope to console so
The come ye back,
The sunlight, the shadow knows
That you did, that you made it.
Look Danny, you’re here.
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8. |
Exultance
05:41
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Exultance
Clip clop, clip clop-----
the blue cobbles are ringing
& the Belgian block wood
in this time, this city, this night,
these hansom bells
our century’s angelus.
Footman, you of the liveried,
what is to be destined?
What foreshadowing under each shod hoof
& from clanging harnesses,
the motion whipped manes?
Are they Russian or Clydesdale,
these pliant giants so docile
but with loyal speed for each
royal riding Anastasia
on the run
into vanishing gas lamps,
the intrigue of history’s rhythm?
Black nostrils of might
breathe fierce white mist,
heat exhaust disappearing
through too pure snow flakes.
From the distance they seem
like stars, & other sleds are
schooners skating on the river
ice of every road...
Surely slaughter shall not follow this,
the skeletal scars of our foundations
already speaking
of the looted art,
the burned books,
the entrail-spilled conflict
between need and greed.
Surely the wars that brought us
to this place of candlemas shine
in all these buildings
shall not harvest shed blood,
(will they?)
in the evermore.
But, shush, says gloved driver,
taking one hand from the reins,
one hand laid on my hand, lifting
it gently to cover my mouth.
It will take us each
our whole lifetime, he explains,
and many more, to recover
from our lives, but,
listen,
clip clop,
the bells anyway ring.
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9. |
Rings
07:11
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Rings
The first thing was voices
after what was fathomed as pain.
Perhaps that was just the impact
and worn off shock.
Sure, those makeshift handcuffs hurt
but not as much as the fear,
a migraine’s pistol whipping
though they only brandished their real guns.
Damn my pounding head,
those nerves inherited from Mother,
when the hijacker’s accents actually,
if at a lower pitch,
could have seemed melodious.
Who wrote this libretto
I am still singing the evaporative
words of here?
It is an aria smoke-choked,
the fumes of fuselage
crashing in the blast’s ash
as no composed timpani
I would ever choose
to be a part of
any more than a frantic
mourning dove, cathedral-trapped,
in eaves of screams,
the vortex wind
of splinters,
a mass of wings bleeding,
broken to black.
Unaccountably, following afterwards,
veils of such silver began to spiral,
to glass-sparkle. What moth motes
we were then.
What disoriented unbound antennae
and mouths suddenly without gags.
Atoms lost limbs
but became flesh of some other,
became atoms without boundaries
calling for faces to name us
though they be bat-blind as moles.
If you found me would I know it?
Would touch recognize touch?
Love, as a roar, all sensations rain
until silence seems a sense.
We open from it as mast-flapping sails.
We open from it through shafts of cones
where once two towers stood.
Circling further, circling endless above this,
invisible yet years beyond,
invisible but within grasp
we visit as sighs of light,
as absence amid presence
to shadow the threshold
of what no longer is
and be entrances still.
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10. |
now, in this stillness
03:37
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(now, in this stillness)
the slow moments of grace
are brimming-----
the i.v.'s drip, the egg shell ceiling
turning from blue to purple,
& you, small bird, a held hand
or tear, involuntary, to wipe
recollecting
salt as eucharistic blood,
salt, the valley we come from
God looking through
Into us, the glass goodness
We each are, especially you,
You still with a younger woman's
Porcelain skin, your gown an off
The shoulder's elegance
Where the triple lumen is stapled
& the translucent hues of your wings
do not show through
the blankets for bathing
swaddled by something tender & fierce.
Our eyes look up, find the window,
Signs of continuance: cloud shadows going over,
An occasional starling through distant
Stirring steeple bells,
These spring reminders of you & Dad
Bowling in love's square dance
Since for death, we could not stop.
Death, old ageless friend,
Come sit down now,
Tell us how to eat, sleep, breathe again
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11. |
The Secret Marriage
07:27
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The Secret Marriage
Leaving the odd flat
Quartered like dorms
By a hallway where neighbors pass,
I slip onto the street.
Upstairs my roommate snores,
Dozing face up, good, platonic & strong.
What a soundscape to picture: the rain-stained
Sagging ceiling which threatens, every day,
To drop tiles, & her form, a mound of covers,
Dream-bound, undisturbed…
Out here the breeze picks up sirens.
I hear the whole city breathe.
Sleepless native, I’m wandering again in my old
Detective green trench coat, among the nights’
Restless armies, insomniacs only, other corner
Store cigarette buyers, this 2 a.m. shift of moon
Addicts craving solitude’s fuel…
Now how quiet, so quiet, seems every
Thing. Hansel of the crumb paths, I am followed
By cats, an assortment of shadows & trees lost
Like docks where nobody moors…
To meet you here isn’t timing, no coincidental
Influx of the planets, but plan, pure passion’s strategy.
The wind brings white bags, shreds of newspaper sailing.
My coat unfurls, wraps over your leather. It’s funny.
There should be waves & gulls flapping by while you pull
Hair from my lips. Instead, we get dense pavement, glistening
Telephone cables & kiss formally, a pair of soldiers in silhouette.
Our vows are made from such things:
Hardness & refuse converted to electric refuge.
But love, it’s cold, so cold. The shiny windows of these houses
Strangely gape, mirroring a huff which could blow our hearts in.
Quick, here’s the downtown train, that anonymous ferryman.
Take me to your cellar, cross the threshold & to your bed.
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12. |
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Wind Chimes & Dream Catchers
How will time find us?
The recorders of history?
Dearest, here on this very private island
The waves are our scriptures &,
At dawn, the air has enough lavender.
Feathers & shells we hang in a web
Of sinew glistening with dew.
Such soul-bones, such bird-hollow music
The breeze picks up
Brass & bamboo smooth…
Listen. Listen.
Bells of reverie, this,
& our coast, eternal.
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Stephen Mead Albany, New York
A resident of NY, Stephen Mead is a published outsider artist, writer, maker of short-collage films and sound-collage downloads. If you are at all interested please place his name in any search engine in conjunction with any of the above-mentioned genres for links to his multimedia work and merchandise. To order CDs via VISA or PayPal please visit stephenmeadmusic.weebly.com ... more
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